If hearing someone’s positive birth/breastfeeding/postpartum story makes you feel shamed and want to attack them, you have trauma. Others’ happiness shouldn’t make you feel bad about yourself.

The industrial maternity care system traumatizes so many women, and most of them don’t even realize it. They think what they went through is simply the payment you make for a healthy baby, and that they should just be grateful. In reality, their trauma was most likely caused by a series of interventions that didn’t have to happen.

They were set up by a system that believes birth needs to be managed instead of supported & trusted. And, to top it all off, they usually blame themselves and feel like failures. They should have researched more - had a birth plan - hired a doula - just said "no".

But you shouldn't have to get a PhD in birth to avoid unnecessary trauma. You shouldn't have to go into your birth ready for battle.

I’ve been accused of shaming many times simply because I share information and my personal experiences. The posts can be different - about breastfeeding, birth, mothering - but the people who try to call me out for shaming ALWAYS have one thing in common…

They all have unresolved trauma surrounding the topic of that post. 100% of the time.

Before I respond I always look at their profile to confirm my suspicion that they've been through something horrible. This then allows me to respond from a place of empathy, having been there myself.

And that's all they want, really - someone to validate their feelings and tell them they're not alone. So I try to be that person - to let them know it’s okay, it’s not their fault, and there are lots of us out there who’ve been hurt, just like them.